Family gathered around a festive holiday dinner table in Northern Virginia, illustrating the mix of joy, nostalgia, and emotional triggers that can arise during holiday gatherings.

The holidays often bring us back to our childhood homes in Northern Virginia, filled with nostalgia, love, and sometimes unexpected emotional triggers. You may feel confident and at peace in your own home and daily environment, but the moment you walk through your parents’ front door, it’s like you’re 15 years old again. Suddenly, you’re responding to family dynamics in ways that feel all too familiar—whether it’s shrinking into your people-pleasing tendencies, feeling like you’re being talked down to, or becoming overly defensive.

This experience is not only normal but deeply rooted in psychology. Your "inner child," the part of you that holds memories and emotions from your younger years, can easily resurface when you’re back in the environment where it was shaped. Here’s why this happens, how to comfort your inner child, and ways to navigate family conflict during the holidays—even as a people pleaser.

Why Your Inner Child Comes Out Around Family

Hands holding a vintage photo among scattered family pictures, symbolizing how childhood memories and family dynamics can trigger your inner child during family gatherings.

Your inner child is the emotional part of you that carries your childhood experiences, beliefs, and coping mechanisms. When you’re around your parents or caregivers, it’s easy for old patterns to resurface, especially if you haven’t fully healed certain wounds.

For example:

At home, you may feel like a capable adult—confident, independent, and happy.
When you’re with family, old roles might reemerge: the “good child,” the “rebellious teenager,” or the “peacekeeper.”
Even small comments, like a parent correcting how you cook or questioning your life choices, can trigger old feelings of inadequacy or defensiveness.

This isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s your brain revisiting old, familiar patterns.

Normalizing the Experience: You’re Not Alone

Person releasing a red balloon in a peaceful field, symbolizing the act of letting go and acknowledging emotions tied to inner child experiences during the holidays in Northern Virginia.

Feeling like your inner child has taken over is completely normal. For many people in Northern Virginia, the holidays amplify both joy and stress, which can trigger memories and emotions from the past. Acknowledging this can help:

You’re not “regressing”; you’re reacting to a familiar environment.
These feelings are a reflection of old experiences, not who you are today.
Many adults feel the same way, even if they don’t talk about it.

Simply recognizing, “This is my inner child responding,” can help you step out of automatic reactions and into mindful awareness.

How to Comfort Your Inner Child During the Holidays

Silhouette of an adult reaching out to embrace their inner child, symbolizing self-compassion and emotional healing during the holidays.

Your inner child often surfaces because it’s looking for comfort and safety. Here are ways to soothe that part of yourself:

Reassure Yourself as an Adult

Take a breath and remind yourself, “I am safe. I am capable. I am not that child anymore.”
Speak to your inner child with compassion: “It’s okay. I see you, and I’m here for you.”

Bring Grounding Items from Home

If you know family gatherings can trigger you, bring small comforts like a journal, book, or favorite blanket to remind you of your safe adult space.

Make Time for Yourself

Step away for quiet moments when needed. Go for a walk, practice deep breathing, or listen to a calming playlist.

Remember Your Strengths

Reflect on how far you’ve come and the life you’ve built. Write down affirmations like, “I am proud of who I am today.”

Coping with Family Conflict When Feeling Talked Down To

Children reacting to family conflict while parents argue in the background, symbolizing the challenges of managing criticism and setting boundaries during family dynamics.

One of the hardest parts of being around family, especially for people pleasers, is managing conflict or criticism. If you feel like you’re being treated as a child, here are strategies to cope:

Pause Before Reacting

When triggered, take a deep breath before responding. Remind yourself: “I don’t have to engage in this dynamic.”

Set Boundaries with Kindness

Respond calmly but firmly:
- “I appreciate your perspective, but I’m happy with my decision.”
- “Let’s change the subject—I’d love to talk about something else.”

Stand in Your Adult Self

Visualize yourself as the strong, independent adult you are now. This mental exercise can help you avoid slipping into old roles.

Practice Letting Go

You can’t control how others act, only how you respond. Allow yourself to let go of the need for their approval or understanding.

Why This Is Especially Challenging for People Pleasers

Broken chain releasing birds into the sunset, symbolizing the freedom and empowerment that comes from setting boundaries and overcoming people-pleasing tendencies.

People pleasers often feel a deep need to avoid conflict and keep others happy, even at their own expense. This tendency often stems from childhood, where keeping the peace felt necessary for love, safety, or approval.

But here’s the truth: It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. You are allowed to set boundaries, speak up, and protect your peace, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

Start small: Practice saying “no” or expressing your feelings in safe ways.
Remember: You don’t need to earn love or approval—you are enough as you are.
Seek support if needed: Talking to a therapist can help you unlearn people-pleasing patterns and build confidence.

Final Thoughts: You Can Cope and Heal

Illustration of a woman drawing a personal boundary, symbolizing the importance of setting limits and practicing self-care during the holidays to cope and heal emotionally.

The holidays can stir up emotions, memories, and patterns you thought you outgrew. But with awareness and compassion, you can comfort your inner child, cope with family dynamics, and reclaim your power as an adult.

This season, give yourself permission to:

Feel your feelings without judgment.
Step away when needed.
Set boundaries without guilt.

You are not the same person you were as a child or teenager—you are stronger, wiser, and capable of navigating the holidays on your own terms. Your inner child may come out, but you have the tools to comfort and care for them while honoring your adult self.

Ready to heal and create a holiday season that feels good for YOU? Start with small steps, trust yourself, and know that it’s possible to break old patterns and find peace.

I’m Kate Regnier, owner and therapist at Regnier Restorative Counseling, and I’m an EMDR Therapist and LCSW who works with adults who are stuck people pleasing and are looking to break the cycle. I’m a fully virtual therapist who sees clients in NOVA and the following states: MD, DC, VA, MI & IN.

Contact me through my website or by email at rrcounseling.info@gmail.com

Disclaimer* The content provided in this blog is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or medical advice. While I strive to ensure the accuracy of the information shared, I cannot guarantee that all information is current or correct. Readers are advised to consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any decisions based on this post.

How Being Home for the Holidays Can Trigger Your Inner Child (and How to Cope)

Why Your Inner Child Comes Out Around Family

Normalizing the Experience: You’re Not Alone